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His Playbook = Her Silver Lining

#MidlifeBarbie : April 16, 2019

His Playbook = Her Silver Lining…

That would never happen to me, or so I thought. I’m too smart, too educated, too worldly, too clever.
These things only happen to other women. You know the sad, lonely unattractive ones. The ones who insist on seeing the best in everyone. But not me. Hell no! I’m jaded, I’m skeptical. For God’s sake I’m a lawyer. I’ve heard it all, I’ve seen it all. I’m the voice of reason -the one my friends turn to when they need advice, when they need to look at a situation from a different angle. I don’t only play devil’s advocate. I AM the devils advocate… or so I thought.
Turns out that when it comes to love and war there are no rules and no one, no matter how clever, is spared. I reluctantly joined Bumble- I mean we all say that right? “reluctantly” HA. Let’s face it, I knew what I was doing. I will admit to being laissez faire about it. I rarely swipe right. The options are quite limited.. (more on that in another post). When I do swipe right I often get this Boom! thingy that tells me that “we are now connected”.
The reason I chose Bumble is because I like the idea that I have to reach out first. It is in my hands. I am in control, HA again. I will admit that I rarely reach out to people I’ve connected with and I do acknowledge that it is not very nice- and that Bumble will probably eliminate my profile permanently for this practice. I also don’t go on it very often and since you only have 24 hours to connect with the free version of the app (yes I’m cheap when it comes to online dating)- I often miss the window to connect entirely.
But I did discover that the other party has the opportunity to extend for an additional 24 hours on one match a month or something like that. In my case, I had matched, was not sure I wanted to reach out, and then noticed that he had extended for another 24 hours. Despite that I waited- and as he reminded me later, I finally reached out when there was less than an hour remaining. He was watching this very closely, he admitted. That should have been the first red flag.
We finally connected and quickly switched to text, and proceeded to see each other exclusively for the following several months. He communicated constantly (phone calls, text messages, videos). I met his children, his closest friends and business associates…
What happened next was not only unexpected but surreal and bizarre and is something I feel almost obligated to warn other women about. This isn’t one of those “cat fishing” or “love bombing” stories- or anything you would see on Dr. Phil. It’s not even a story of unrequited love like in a Lifetime movie. It is much more complex, sociopathic and even dangerous than anything like that.
And while I hate to tease and leave you hanging, disclosing more would affect the integrity of the subject of my upcoming Ted Talk. And that my friends is the silver lining I’ve been talking about. Who knew that this story would make for a great Ted Talk or that the topics I had proposed in the past were tired and overdone. Live and learn.
During my 18 minutes on stage I will describe my journey in a detailed no holds barred way. In retrospect there were pink flags, many of them. I can’t say they were red, but definitely pink. My goal is to help other women identify those sneaky pink flags and maybe help level the playing field in the exceedingly complex game that is dating.

In the meantime, my advice is listen to your gut, it is uniquely equipped to identify those pink flags. And always, always look for the silver lining-It’s there, I promise. #midlifebarbie #sharinglessonslearnedalongtheway
Stay tuned for information on attending my Tedx Talk live or via webinar.